Ok it goes like this:
Got to work and decided to leave my purse in the car. I didn't need everything in it so I just grabbed my 1)car keys, 2)my work keys, 3) my glasses, and 4) my cup of coffee. Now for the part I DID NOT do. I did not also grab my 5)extra travel cup of coffee and attempt to get out of the car and shut the door without scratching it. Because I don't care if I bump my car door with keys or coffee cups. I am not that ridiculous. And furthermore, I DID NOT then (somehow - still haven't figured that part out yet) knock the lid off the travel cup of coffee, while trying not to spill my regular cup of coffee, and pour the ENTIRE travel cup of coffee onto my wrist, then down my skirt, car door, and sandals. No indeed. If you saw that happen in the high school parking lot, it WAS NOT me. Must have been some other crazy person. I didn't leave the travel cup and lid laying right there in the parking lot by my car because there was no way that I could keep everything in my hands and pick that up at the same time with my burned wrist. A teacher who came in and parked right behind me did not stop by the office to ask me if I had some sort of accident in the parking lot since she saw the evidence on her way in. What a way to start the day. I mean, you know, if that had really happened which of course it didn't.
Ok here is something else that didn't happen to me this week. I DID NOT get stuck in my skirt. Yes, you read that right. I didn't get stuck in my skirt. No not the coffee stained skirt, another one. Ok I am glad this didn't really happen because it would be a little embarrassing. I did not bust the zipper out of the said skirt. Well the zipper actually was still together at the top of the skirt but ripped open from just after the top to the bottom of it. So, I tried (I mean didn't try) to unzip it to no avail. I did not ask for assistance from my husband who also couldn't get it unzipped. So no, I was not stuck in my skirt. Finally after much tugging and pulling my big self out of it I got it to slip off. The zipper though never gave up. I also did not decide to keep the skirt so that I could use the material because I do not think I could maybe make something out of the cute material. ...a teddy bear, or a purse, who knows what. The crafty person that I can be will figure out something I am sure. I mean you know, if that all had really happened.
Last Sunday afternoon I did not spend over an hour cutting out circles and tearing out pages in magazines, and cutting out pictures from those pages for a lesson for my class. I did not then put all my work into a manila folder and place it on the kitchen table. I did not decide to go on and bring the extra folders as well. Then... I absolutely DID NOT only grab the extra folders as I went out the door. I DID NOT leave my entire lesson in the folder on the table and bring only with me the empty folders that I really didn't need to class. I did not then have to wing it, as far as something to do with my class which was unusually LARGE!
On Wednesday night I did not leave my expensive lap top at church in the sound room and get home ready to twitter or something and realize I left it! So I did not get in my car and get back up there so I could get it because I can so do without twittering, and blogging, and checking my e mail and I am not afraid to leave it in the church until another day when I could get it later.
Oh and last night I had my head sunk down into the pillow and turned over to get a little more comfortable, stretching out my arm when my hand touched the pillow across the bed from me under my husbands head when I realized that I was touching MY pillow. Now comes the part I did not do. I was not upset that he was sleeping soundly on MY pillow. I did not go over and over in my head whether or not it would be better for me to sleep on HIS pillow with OLD GERMS from a REALLY SICK Todd, or to switch pillows and sleep on MY pillow with his FRESH not AS SICK germs. I did not go over and over that while trying only to breathe OUT! Furthermore I did not wake my husband up after I finally decided that I would rather sleep on my pillow with fresh but not as deadly germs. I am not a germ freak at all and I would not have been up for hours thinking about it every time I finally had to breathe in if I had'nt traded.
So am I the only one who had so many "Not Me's" this time?